Mom jeans

Nothing like teenagers to keep you humble.  I got new boots for Christmas.  Brown leather, about a two inch heel, zippers. I’ve watched my teenage girls clomp around in Uggs for years and always liked boots but never adopted the look as my own.

So —- I put on my regular jeans and haul the boots out of their oversized box.  Put them on, zip them up and look in the mirror. Wow.  Wonder why I have this big hunk of jean over both knees? So I do my best to tuck this enormous excess of denim inside the boot and I stroll through the house, sort of using my runway pose, matching heel to toe like the models do.  No, I didn’t fall down.  I was just being nonchalant.  Without saying anything, I know from the faces of my two youngest teenage daughters that I am a fashion train wreck. Wow.  Didn’t see this coming…..going from sashaying through the family room, looking for a compliment or two to this?  I say, “What?”  trying to keep the edge out of my voice. The two exchange a look.  A long look.  The braver of the two, the one who has no trouble expressing her opinion, says, “Uh, mom…well, you’re wearing mom jeans. You really need skinny jeans to make those boots work.”

Skinny jeans?  I’d tried a pair of those on completely by accident at Old Navy once. Had no idea that they fit like shrink wrap.  I wasn’t too sure once I had them on I’d be able to get them off.  That kind of skinny jean?  Who are we kidding?  I am on the downhill side of 50!

So I say, “So what exactly are you meaning by mom jeans?”  “Well, they’re the kind of jeans that go up way too high on the waist and flatten your bottom.”  Why in the world didn’t someone tell me my bottom was flat?????  I’m making no apologies for the jeans that sit at the waist.  When I have pants on that sit on my hips, I’m yanking them up all the time…..but the flat bottom part was really upsetting.

So last night I dropped one of these teenage fashionistas at a class and since Old Navy was on the way home, I stopped.  So I wandered around — picked up a pair of Ho Ho Ho flannel pj pants on sale, a few things for another daughter’s upcoming birthday and then kind of wound my way over to the jeans.  One of the 73 pound twelve-year old clerks asked if she could help.  “No, just browsing.”  I certainly didn’t need an audience for this…so I found a pair of jeans that were more slim in the legs, hence the anticipated denim excess at the knees is gone.  I tried them on and they fit…..and they were on sale.  The only problem with them is that they are capris!

Sssshhhhhh.  Don’t tell the teenagers.  I am sure capris with boots are really a faux pas!